Poetry corner – subluxation special

In which Dr Aust mourns the loss of an old (imaginary) friend.

Today Zeno’s excellent blog alerts me to the sad loss of the Chiropractic Subluxation, printing an extended and most informative Obituary.

This follows a lengthy investigation by Zeno and other interested parties, notably the Skeptic Barista, into claims that the Subluxation had, in fact, been deceased for many years.

Or, indeed, that it had never existed in the first place – except, perhaps, as a metaphor.

The Chiropractic Subluxation,  you may remember, is the mysterious “functional lesion” (no non-subjective test will actually find it, but chiropractors have insisted it is there) in the vertebral column which chiropractors claim to find, “diagnose” and correct.

Well – they did used to claim this.

That, however,  may be about to change.

The Skeptic Barista informs us that the UK’s General Chiropractic Council has now declared that:

“There is no clinical research base to support claims that the chiropractic vertebral subluxation complex is the cause of disease or health concerns.”

Advice to chiropractors about whether they can continue to make claims for the subluxation complex being:-

“the cause of disease or health concerns”

- and hence, of course, something you should consider paying a chiropractor to correct – is likely to follow shortly.

In the meantime, and following the acclaim for our resident bard’s  recent Memorial Poem on the demise of the Prince’s Foundation for Integrated Health, he has been persuaded to pen something suitable on this new, and solemn, occasion.

———————————————————————————————————

POETRY CORNER

In Memoriam
The Chiropractic Subluxation

So. Farewell
Then. The Chiropractic
Subluxation

A complicated Word
For something that
Does not
Exist.

Or perhaps for what
Was just
A Metaphor.

Or rather -
A Metaphor
Wrapped up inside
An Enigma
Wrapped up inside
A Paradox.
Wrapped up inside
A Huge Invoice.

Which last
Chiropractors have been
Presenting for
At least
A Century

Very Tricky

As a member of
The Public
You would probably
Need X-ray
Vision
to
Get to the
Bottom
Of All This.

Or at least to make
Sure you
Were not being
Manipulated

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16 Responses to “Poetry corner – subluxation special”

  1. Zeno Says:

    At this sombre time…that was inspired!

    Dr Aust said: “This follows a lengthy investigation by Zeno and other interested parties, notably the Skeptic Barista…”

    I can claim no credit for this! It is all due to the tenacity of Skeptic Barista.

  2. Allo V Psycho Says:

    genius! particularly liked

    ‘….being manipulated’, and

    ‘…….Wrapped up inside
    A Paradox.
    Wrapped up inside
    A Huge Invoice’.

  3. draust Says:

    Thanks AV.

    I was rather pleased with “being manipulated”, for obvious reasons – and because naff puns are a lifelong favourite of mine.

    The other line, as I said on Twitter, owes something to the Mitchell and Webb “Homeopathic A&E” sketch.

  4. Interrobang Says:

    I saw this over at SBM in comments, and I don’t get your crack about “mock-poetic” form. As someone with a degree and a half in English literature, a couple of published poems, and two published poets in the family, I think I can authoritatively say there’s nothing “mock” about it. It’s actually quite a good poem.

    The line about the “Huge Invoice” cracked me up. Lovely, lovely example of paraprosdokian, one of my favourite literary devices ever. Mind if I quote this sometime?

  5. draust Says:

    Thanks for the kind words, Interrobang. Feel free to quote it all you like.

    I think I said “mock poetic” as I was imitating / spoofing Private Eye’s E.J. Thribb, who is himself a parody.

    Re the bit ending with “huge invoice” – of course I was really bolting together a couple of other peoples’ lines. The first is the old Winston Churchill one about Russia being “a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma”, and the “Huge Invoice” gag comes from the peerless Mitchell and Webb Homeopathic A&E sketch, see last comment. But I was quite pleased with how well they dovetailed together.

    Thanks for the Paraprosdokian reference. Though I am old enough to have had a “classical education” (in the sense of having learnt Latin for several years at high school), I have never studied rhetoric. I really ought to read a book about it. Anyway, I shall have to check the list you linked for some of my other received tricks…!

    I have alluded elsewhere to my having been raised on Tom Lehrer’s records and back numbers of Private Eye, but another of my reference points is probably Don Marquis’ Archy and Mehitabel poems, which I discovered in my early teens and was very fond of, though I’ve not re-read them in decades. Actually, I always thought Archy and Mehitabel were part of the inspiration for E.J.Thribb, so that makes a neat tie-up.

    Anyway, thanks once again for the compliments – I think the poetic tributes (mock or otherwise!) may become a regular feature. When I get some time maybe I will give them their own category.

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