Sing it: Woo is all around

Yes, more musical entertainment (?). As I sat trying to compose something serious last night, this appeared instead… enjoy (?)

Woo is All Around (The Alternative / Placebo Therapist’s song)

(tune: ”Love is All Around” by The Troggs)

I feel it in my fingers

I feel it in my toes

The Force is all around us

And so my income grows

It’s written on my website

It’s ancient healing lore

So if you all believe it

Bring me any bit that’s sore


You know I can help you, I most certainly will

I’m not a harassed doctor or a Pharma Shill

There’s no beginning,
There’ll be no treatment end
’cause on your naivety I can surely depend


You’ve told me all your problems

And I’ve looked most concerned

Now I’ll dish out some Placebo

Whatever New Age crap I’ve learned

There’s probably nothing wrong with you

(Which won’t reduce my fee)

But if you should feel better
I’ll say that it was me (oh yes I will)


(You know) I look sympathetic, and I always will,
It works most excellently

‘Til you’ve paid off the bill
There’s no beginning,
And there’ll be no end
’Cause on your neediness I’ll happily depend


I wouldn’t call it lying

If I tell you it’s all real

Because if both of us believe it

All that matters is what we feel

It’s what the punters want, mate

(And) It’s all over the press

And wouldn’t it be better

If you got it on the NHS (oh yes it would)


(You know) I look sympathetic, and I always will,
It works most excellently

‘Til you’ve paid off the bill
There’s no beginning,
There’ll be no end
’Cause on your cheques I’ve come to depend


I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
There’s one born every minute
And so my income grows

(repeat last line to fade)



Repeat entire song ad infinitum.

– Or until the money runs out.



12 Responses to “Sing it: Woo is all around”

  1. She-Liger Says:

    No comments! :) :) :P
    Doc, you are small, of course, but funny lad ! ;) :) :P

  2. Madsadgirl Says:

    Another good one, Dr Aust. You are determined to get that alternative/quack medicine lobby after you, aren’t you? Keep up the good work.

  3. migg Says:


  4. jdc325 Says:

    Nice work Dr Aust – enjoyed that.

  5. Sceric Says:

    smile, next time I see a karaoke bar, I’ll know hat to sing…especially with the improved text…

  6. Nash Says:

    Reg Presley used the royalities from this song to investigate crop circles.

  7. draust Says:

    Thanks Guys.

    I’ve nothing against alternative / placebo therapies, really. Honest. I just think they should admit:

    (i) the possibility that they are placebo therapies;

    (ii) the likelihood (based on the available evidence) that they are placebo therapies (this likelihood varying depending on the amount of trial evidence and the scientific plausibility / implausibility of the therapy in question);

    (iii) that on principle one should not lie to the “patients” about (i) and (ii) – i.e. an acceptance of the principles of evidence and self-critique.

    Within these boundaries, you could still construct a “Complementary Medicine”. It’s just that it would, in effect, have to accept the same evidential standards one asks of conventional medicine and science.

    MadSadGirl: Not had any outraged E-mails from Alt.Reality folk yet, apart from the odd Anti-Vaccine crazy when I have written about MMR.

    Nash: Thanks, didn’t know that about Reg Presley. It has a nice symmetry, though, as Crop Circles are another of those things where faith / belief trumps likelihood / evidence for some people.

    Reading about the crop circles reminded me of Erich Von Däniken and his theories. I read Chariot of the Gods? back in the early 70s *cough*. It was a good entertaining read, but it didn’t make me believe in extra-terrestrials – I think I just admired a virtuoso piece of tale-spinning. Obviously destined for a lifetime of scepticism, I guess.

  8. Svetlana Perstovich Says:

  9. A year of Virtual Spleen « Dr Aust’s Spleen Says:

    […] – ancient healing wisdom. Doncha just love […]

  10. More musical trivia: The Alt Health Guru « Dr Aust’s Spleen Says:

    […] do apologise, by the way, for the rather similar subject matter between this one and “Woo is all around” – which was already probably one song too many. However, the combination of the start of the […]

  11. Dr John Crippen Says:



    Er…what is THIS about??!!

    It’s interesting to note that the Council for Complementary and Natural Healthcare is supported by Prof. David Colquhoun, one of CAM’s arch sceptics. Presumably he thinks it’s a good idea or why would he have volounteered to sit on their professional conduct board?



  12. draust Says:

    Re David Colquhoun, I’m sure he signed up to try and make sure that CNHC’s “Professional Conduct” committee demands meaningful standards from practitioners they “accredit” – notably to do with basing what they do on evidence, and also refraining from making ridiculous claims for which there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever. He put a brief comment to this effect on his diary page a while back. So he’s there to try and keep CNHC honest, basically.

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