Archive for the ‘sheer silliness’ Category

Fifth Column

June 28, 2010

In which Dr Aust does his own little bit for “Spoof Jenkins” day.

You know, there’s so much opinionated waffle on TV and in the papers these days.

I mean, I love reading predictable off-the-cuff grumbling penned by overpaid middle-aged metropolitan arts grads. After all, I‘m one myself. Well, except for being an arts graduate. And metropolitan.  And one can’t be overpaid these days unless one’s on at least £ 200K, like all those whining scientists with their Chelsea townhouses and Porsches.

But let’s not get into that.

Where was I?

Oh yes – columnists, of course.

As I say, I love a good splenetic column. After a four course lunch at the Garrick, finished by a few excellent brandies – sixty year old, naturally, anything good is always old and beautiful, far better than all this new rubbish – there’s nothing that rounds things off better than perusing the thoughts of some well-read chap of my own vintage… …putting a judicious boot into the backside of those jumped-up little technocrats over at the Royal Society.

But this time, Simon Jenkins may – just may – have gone a bit too far.

Not in giving the scientists some stick, of course. Richly deserved. Did you see all that nonsense they pumped out about swine flu?  Utter rubbish – it was no worse that the common cold, naturellement. Just like that ridiculous song and dance they made over foot and mouth. And as for grounding all the planes because some unpronounceable volcano erupted and stuck a bit of ash in the air – quite preposterous. Do you know, I would have missed my cultural tour of the best vineyards of Jerez if Binky – wonderful chap, he’s in banking, I was at Oxford with his brother – hadn’t lent me the company jet to get there.

Anyway, anyone listening to the scientists would think that that “HIV was the cause of AIDS”, or that “vaccines were good things”. And of course, it’s all just about money – they get paid to say that stuff, and they’re just touting for more business. Quite unlike columnists, who are ferociously independent and simply write from a sense of duty. We don’t make a penny. Well, except for trousering the weekly cheque, which frankly is hardly enough to be worth bothering about.

But anyway, Simon has perhaps slightly overdone it, and this time rather a lot of people seem to have noticed. Which is a worry. After all, we don’t want people getting the idea that columnists are behaving like the New Priesthood. It was bad enough the bloody Scientists giving themselves quasi-religious airs – like little Rees, and that tiresome Dawkins chap, and the rest of the Scientific “Bishops”. Who are just like the real C of E, by the way – no sense of history. The useless C of E can’t even look after its own historic buildings, and that ineffectual beardie Archbishop is too busy turning up on Melvyn Bragg’s show with the scientists to do anything useful. They’d rather have new Church Halls for coffee mornings than proper old buildings. The scientists are always moaning about “needing new buildings” too, of course. Did Galileo need a state-of-the-art Mammoth of Research to discover gravity? Of course he didn’t – all he needed was a tower and some balls.

And as to where science ends up if you let the pointy-headed little blighters have their way – well, there was a person who tried to harness technology for state ends, and got all the scientists with their hands out for research grant money to sign up. His name was Adolf Hitler. And he had his Gestapo to go around locking up anyone who disagreed, just like the Catholic Church had the Spanish Inquisition. Which is just like the scientists coming after Simon Jenkins now. I wouldn’t be the least surprised to see a crack Royal Society snatch squad of men in white lab coats bundling poor Simon into a strait-jacket and hauling him off to Porton Down for “compulsory science re-education classes”. After all, they have them for MPs now, so I’m sure columnists will be next.

And that’s why I think Simon has been a touch unwise. He’s simply drawing a little too much attention to us. If he goes on like this, people will start to turn on the columnists.

And, frankly, strictly entre nous, there are too many columnists about these days. A bit like scientists. Or Badgers.

I can see it now. They’ll say:

“For too long these opinionated arts, politics, and economics graduates, with their Notting Hill addresses and children at St Pauls and Westminster school, have been allowed to agitate for a privileged position in the national newspapers and the BBC”.

Then they’ll start saying that we just endlessly re-cycle the same old tired schtick, so that we can dash off a column that gets up peoples’ noses in the two hours between the after-lunch nap and dinner and collect our wages.

I’ve even heard some people asking what it is columnists actually do to help. One or two of the scientists have had the cheek to say that science was at least “trying to move the world forward” and address some of humanity’s pressing problems, like global warming, or famine, or disease.

Which is utter self-serving balderdash, of course. Columnists do their bit, too. Think of the work creation. All those people writing in via the internet – which was probably invented by an arts graduate [Note to Ed – please check] – to complain about Simon. That’s obviously creating wealth, surely? And look at how newspaper sales are rising.

And as for the problems of the wider world, I personally think a lot of it could be solved if we simply had more newspaper columnists. Imagine: a newspaper read by almost no-one in every impoverished sub-Saharan hamlet, complete with highly paid weekly “opinion formers” with Glyndebourne season tickets.

In other words – a columnist in every kraal.

Now there’s a vision to give the world hope.

Feynman on foot fondling

June 10, 2010

In which Dr Aust muses on foot flim-flam.

The night before last I went along to a rather good Skeptics in the Pub talk by the excellent Simon Perry.

As Simon was going through the ways he had got interested in debunking preposterous claims by Alt therapists, he mentioned Reflexology as being one of the first Alt.Therapies that had caught his eye.

Reflexology, for anyone that doesn’t know, is one of the more laughably daft quackeries, especially popular with New Age types. It is based on the idea – needless to say, an idea with no kind of basis in anatomy, or anything else – that a “map” of the body’s areas can be found on the sole of the foot, and that massaging these areas can help with the “mapped” bit of you.

Ref;exp;pgy foot chart, with "zones" supposed to correspond to body parts colour-coded

Like many a choice quackery, reflexology in the form we now have it is a surprisingly recent invention. As the Wikipedia page on reflexology explains, it dates from around the time of the First World War, and was then elaborated and codified in the 30s and 40s. It gained greatly in popularity  during the 60s and 70s, when Woo became fashionable along with other kinds of mysticism and “stoned thinking”. I am in two minds whether to blame Marin County or the Glastonbury Festival.

Less surprisingly, reflexologists like to claim that reflexology is based on “Ancient Healing Wisdom”.

Now…. where have I heard that before? Oh yes, for just about every piece of Alt.Therapy  quackery you can possibly think of.

The Association of Reflexologists – yes, I’m afraid they have an association – tells us:

“The art of reflexology dates back to Ancient Egypt, India and China”

Fancy, just like chiropractic. Now who’d have thought it?

Now, I don’t know if the reflexologists have followed the chiropractors in being miraculously able to detect the practice of their Nonsense of Choice“Art” back to before there were actual written records – remarkable how they manage to do that – but I wouldn’t be terribly surprised. It is amazing just how ancient that ol’ wisdom becomes when you are trying to sell it to folks. Just sayin’.

When the topic of reflexology comes up, as it did in conversation with one of my Nursing degree student groups the other day, I am given to referring to it as:

“A pricey foot massage with added Mumbo-Jumbo.”

– a description I like to think even my friend  David Colquhoun might approve of, since it is shorter than the potted summary of reflexology in his Patients’ Guide to Magic Medicine.


There’s no Woo too far…

Now,  it is a measure of just how much mainstream medicine currently bends over backwards to be respectful of complementary medicine (CAM) – and quite contrary, by the way, to what the CAM advocates, who always complain they are not taken seriously enough, would have you believe – that there have been quite a number of randomised controlled trials of reflexology. I shit you not.  Indeed, there is  a recent Systematic Review of them by the ever-punctilious Edzard Ernst:

————————————————————————————————————

Med J Aust. 2009 Sep 7;191(5):263-6.
Is reflexology an effective intervention? A systematic review of randomised controlled trials.
Ernst E.

Complementary Medicine, Peninsula Medical School, Universities of Exeter and Plymouth, Exeter, United Kingdom. Edzard.Ernst@pms.ac.uk

Abstract

OBJECTIVE: To evaluate the evidence for and against the effectiveness of reflexology for treating any medical condition. DATA SOURCES: Six electronic databases were searched from their inception to February 2009 to identify all relevant randomised controlled trials (RCTs). No language restrictions were applied. STUDY SELECTION AND DATA EXTRACTION: RCTs of reflexology delivered by trained reflexologists to patients with specific medical conditions. Condition studied, study design and controls, primary outcome measures, follow-up, and main results were extracted. DATA SYNTHESIS: 18 RCTs met all the inclusion criteria. The studies examined a range of conditions: anovulation, asthma, back pain, dementia, diabetes, cancer, foot oedema in pregnancy, headache, irritable bowel syndrome, menopause, multiple sclerosis, the postoperative state and premenstrual syndrome. There were > 1 studies for asthma, the postoperative state, cancer palliation and multiple sclerosis. Five RCTs yielded positive results. Methodological quality was evaluated using the Jadad scale. The methodological quality was often poor, and sample sizes were generally low. Most higher-quality trials did not generate positive findings. CONCLUSION: The best evidence available to date does not demonstrate convincingly that reflexology is an effective treatment for any medical condition.

PMID: 19740047

————————————————————————————————————-

Good Old Edzard. How he keeps a straight face whilst reviewing this kind of ridiculous “Prior Probability Zero” nonsense I really don’t know. I am damn sure I wouldn’t be able to.

[An aside to  explain why not: a decade or so ago I turned down a final interview for a rather better paid job (better paid than being a junior academic) as a mid-level administrator for a Large and Important Medical Charity. A big part of my decision was that it was clear that an atmosphere of High and Hushed Seriousness was a major part of their Headquarters House Style. It was clear to me that High Seriousness was not something I would be able to stick to for that long, being a person naturally given to Low and Childish Mockery.]

Anyway, getting back to the estimable Professor Ernst, he is a treasure, partly because he is able to do what he does with complete seriousness and great thoroughness. I suggest we should have a slogan for him:

“Prof Edzard Ernst: rigorously appraising Alt.Med research, so that you don’t have to.

– and, indeed, long may he continue to do so.

Finally – Feynman on Foot Flim-Flam

Anyway, the point of this post, before it got sidetracked, was to say

(i) that Simon Perry gives an excellent talk, and

(ii) that reflexology is (to use a piece of British vernacular) “Bollocks”.

And finally, to re-tell a story.

I happened to ask Simon Perry if he had heard Richard Feynman’s reflexology story. He hadn’t, which makes me think it is not as well known as it could be. So I will reproduce it here. It comes from one of my favourite pieces of Feynman’s debunking work, his famous talk on “Cargo Cult Science”. The talk was given originally in 1974, at the Caltech (California Institute of Technology) Commencement Address, but thirty-six years later it remains just as apposite.

I shall leave the rest to the master:

—————————————————————————————————

“During the Middle Ages there were all kinds of crazy ideas, such as that a piece of rhinoceros horn would increase potency. Then a method was discovered for separating the ideas–which was to try one to see if it worked, and if it didn’t work, to eliminate it. This method became organized, of course, into science. And it developed very well, so that we are now in the scientific age. It is such a scientific age, in fact, that we have difficulty in understanding how witch doctors could ever have existed, when nothing that they proposed ever really worked–or very little of it did.

But even today I meet lots of people who sooner or later get me into a conversation about UFOs, or astrology, or some form of mysticism, expanded consciousness, new types of awareness, ESP, and so forth. And I’ve concluded that it’s not a scientific world.

Most people believe so many wonderful things that I decided to investigate why they did. And what has been referred to as my curiosity for investigation has landed me in a difficulty where I found so much junk that I’m overwhelmed. First I started out by investigating various ideas of mysticism and mystic experiences. I went into isolation tanks and got many hours of hallucinations, so I know something about that. Then I went to Esalen, which is a hotbed of this kind of thought (it’s a wonderful place; you should go visit there). Then I became overwhelmed. I didn’t realize how MUCH there was.

At Esalen there are some large baths fed by hot springs situated on a ledge about thirty feet above the ocean. One of my most pleasurable experiences has been to sit in one of those baths and watch the waves crashing onto the rocky slope below, to gaze into the clear blue sky above, and to study a beautiful nude as she quietly appears and settles into the bath with me.

One time I sat down in a bath where there was a beautiful girl sitting with a guy who didn’t seem to know her. Right away I began thinking, “Gee! How am I gonna get started talking to this beautiful nude woman?”

I’m trying to figure out what to say, when the guy says to her, “I’m, uh, studying massage. Could I practice on you?” “Sure,” she says. They get out of the bath and she lies down on a massage table nearby. I think to myself, “What a nifty line! I can never think of anything like that!” He starts to rub her big toe. “I think I feel it,” he says. “I feel a kind of dent–is that the pituitary?” I blurt out, “You’re a helluva long way from the pituitary, man!” They looked at me, horrified–I had blown my cover–and said, “It’s reflexology!”

I quickly closed my eyes and appeared to be meditating.”

Richard P Feynman

Poetry corner – subluxation special

May 15, 2010

In which Dr Aust mourns the loss of an old (imaginary) friend.

Today Zeno’s excellent blog alerts me to the sad loss of the Chiropractic Subluxation, printing an extended and most informative Obituary.

This follows a lengthy investigation by Zeno and other interested parties, notably the Skeptic Barista, into claims that the Subluxation had, in fact, been deceased for many years.

Or, indeed, that it had never existed in the first place – except, perhaps, as a metaphor.

The Chiropractic Subluxation,  you may remember, is the mysterious “functional lesion” (no non-subjective test will actually find it, but chiropractors have insisted it is there) in the vertebral column which chiropractors claim to find, “diagnose” and correct.

Well – they did used to claim this.

That, however,  may be about to change.

The Skeptic Barista informs us that the UK’s General Chiropractic Council has now declared that:

“There is no clinical research base to support claims that the chiropractic vertebral subluxation complex is the cause of disease or health concerns.”

Advice to chiropractors about whether they can continue to make claims for the subluxation complex being:-

“the cause of disease or health concerns”

– and hence, of course, something you should consider paying a chiropractor to correct – is likely to follow shortly.

In the meantime, and following the acclaim for our resident bard’s  recent Memorial Poem on the demise of the Prince’s Foundation for Integrated Health, he has been persuaded to pen something suitable on this new, and solemn, occasion.

———————————————————————————————————

POETRY CORNER

In Memoriam
The Chiropractic Subluxation

So. Farewell
Then. The Chiropractic
Subluxation

A complicated Word
For something that
Does not
Exist.

Or perhaps for what
Was just
A Metaphor.

Or rather –
A Metaphor
Wrapped up inside
An Enigma
Wrapped up inside
A Paradox.
Wrapped up inside
A Huge Invoice.

Which last
Chiropractors have been
Presenting for
At least
A Century

Very Tricky

As a member of
The Public
You would probably
Need X-ray
Vision
to
Get to the
Bottom
Of All This.

Or at least to make
Sure you
Were not being
Manipulated

Cancer from your pen top

March 29, 2010

In which Dr Aust enjoys some musical wit and whimsy

Via some of my new friends from Skeptics in the Pub, and Twitter, I encountered this rather wonderful song about One of the Twin Powerhouses of British Media Ghastliness (along with the Sun), the Daily Mail:

The Tweet that alerted me to this little masterpiece (and which came from a skeptical arts blogger) referenced the brilliant line:

“Cancer from your shoes, from your dog, from your pentop”

– which I think deserves instant classic status. The Daily Mail is, of course well known in UK bad science circles for what Ben Goldacre likes to describe as:

“[Its] bizarre ongoing ontological project to divide all the foodstuffs (indeed all the inanimate objects) in the world into those that either cause, or cure, cancer.” (see also here)

– to which I would only add that it is not unknown for the same foods, or inanimate objects, to show up in both of these lists, often at surprisingly short intervals.

Private Eye routinely refers to the Mail as the “Daily Fail”, though my favourite title for the paper, which I think was coined by much-missed recently retired medical blogger Dr John Crippen, is the “Peoples’ Medical Journal”. This owes its origin to what all my doctor friends regard as the misleading medical and NHS stories that the Fail runs, mostly about how doctors are useless/grasping/sinister. But it serves equally well for the Fail’s seeming obsession with cancer, and multiple credulous stories about Alternative Medicine.

For any non-UK reader who would like to learn more about the Peoples’ Medical Journal and its long and not especially illustrious history, Wikipedia offers a useful introduction.

Anyway, the video, which is both brilliant and funny, and is now getting quite a bit of re-tweet and blog action, comes from this/these chap(s).

And now – a  random musical discursion

If you’ve watched it, the discarding of the copies of the newspaper as a dramatic device rather reminds me of a famous early pop clip, the one for of Bob Dylan’s Subterranean Homesick Blues.

The Dylan video is actually the opening sequence of the famous documentary Don’t Look Back by DA Pennebaker. (The film itself is an absolute classic, and anyone even vaguely interested in the music of the 60s should seek it out at once,  if they’ve not seen it.)

Now, while the newspaper discarding conjures up Dylan, Dan and Dan’s general style puts me more in mind of the (sadly departed) Jake Thackray. Most younger people in the UK now will not remember Thackray, a whimsical and often very funny singer-songwriter most famous in the UK in the late 60s and 70s. Thackray, whose distant influence can perhaps be seen in a song like Pulp’s Common People, was himself much inspired by the French singer-poet Georges Brassens.  So here, as an introduction, is Thackray singing his (rather good) translation of Brassens’ famous anti-capital punishment song Le Gorille:

and the Brassens’ original for comparison (with subtitles from this blog):

Upcoming highlights (which may never appear)

If you listen to Le Gorille you will notice that it evinces a less than respectful approach to the gravitas of the judiciary. Which reminds me that we are expecting the formal Appeal Court ruling on the BCA v Singh “appeal on meaning” some time soon, and possible before the weekend. I am aware that I have been very slack about posting recently, so perhaps I will try and comment on the ruling when it appears, as Jack of Kent has been nagging me to do. And then there is World Homeopathy Awareness Week to come after that….

In the mean time, enjoy the music. And I’ll close with one other completely unrelated – though appropriately seasonal – musical favourite; in this case a song I like to sing to Junior Aust when we go for a walk.  Enjoy.

PS AND UPDATE – March 31st:

One of my senior academic colleagues reminds me of another piece of British newspaper-related beat poetry, this one from our youth back at the end of the 70s, and dealing with another mid-market tabloid, the Daily Express. In an interesting piece of serendipitous co-incidence the writer/performer, the wonderful John Cooper Clarke, famously pinched much of his own visual style from the early 60s Bobby Zimmerman, though its not easy to see that in this rather low-quality live clip. However, the poem makes up for the quality.